I don't what is going on with me right now. I couldn't understand myself anymore. Why do I feel so upset  with everyone? Why can't I stop comparing myself with everyone and everything? I can't stop thinking. I have what I have, but why do I want what others have too eventhough I know deep inside I don't need it. I don't really want it in the first place but why do I keep feeling like this. I'm exhausted. I need to stop. But I don't know how or maybe I know how but I just can't. I need to stop thinking. I keep on thinking about it. I can't stop. It's a mess inside my head. A complete mess. I'm just anxious. I couldn't stop feeling anxious. My heart is beating so fast as I'm typing this and I'm just staying still. It feels suffocating. If I can just throw up everything real quick. Im just typing everything out. I want to say so mamy things but it stuck in my stomach my liver  or I don't know somewhere inside. Just get out. I want it to get out from my body my mind my stomach my eyes my brain my heart my skin just get out get out get out get get out help I feel like crying bit I can't help het it out from me get it out get out get out get out get ouy get out stop thinking stop thinking stop thinking stip thinking stop thinking stop thinking stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stip stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop okay that went away real quick i should force myself to sleep before it come crawling back inside

Maybe, I am not as forgiving as I think I am. I always feels like I forgot what people do to me, I thought I was a nice person, brushing everything of and act like nothing happen afterward. I'll try to laugh it out most of the times. Even if  I'm terribly upset about something, I told myself that I was okay with it. Well, apparently not.

People used to say sorry to me but now, not anymore. Maybe, because I say "it's okay" most of the time so people are used to it they don't  find it necessary to say it anymore although they know it upsets me.

I really thought I was okay with everything but I just came to realized that I was never okay. I never forget. I always take it to heart. I'm not a nice person. I'm not an easy going person. I'm actually really sensitive. I'm really soft. I break easily. But, I act like everything is okay because I want people to like me. I want people to be comfortable with me. Only to end up being really hurt at the end of the day. Not being able to tell anyone and always have to keep it bottled inside.

I wish I can speak well so that I can speak my mind confidently. I wish I can write well so that I can write prettily what I really feel. I just want people to understand me.

They make fun of me. I'm truly living a lonely life that the only friends I have were making fun of me just because I like an instagram post. They think it is funny to laugh at someone who already feel miserable that she choose to take some time alone healing herself from being mad at them in the first place just because she couldn't said it out loud to their face afraid that they would think she is bitter and pathetic. Now, I'm way beyond mad, I don't know what it is but I'm just way beyond mad.

I just want to go.