Happiness (幸福)

Trying to find my way to happiness.

I'm happy, today. Got new clothes, eating out, movie, meeting with friends (dorkie oppas to be exact lol) etc. These oppas kan, their jokes ya rabbi never cease to amaze me, seriously haha.

The thing was that when we were eating in the mall, I started whining to my brother about almost everything like always. We went down the memory lane and I told him the difficulties I'm facing with life, LOVE, family and everything else that matters.

As always, he started nagging like an old grandma, sorry no offense but you really does sometime oppa and I know you might be reading this in the future so for that I'm sorry haha, mianhae oppa.

Forget all those weird advises, I just remember one sentence that came out from your mouth and it really hits me that time, deeply. You said to me that "No matter how hard life can be upon you there is always another person on earth that is less fortunate than you out there, actually many of them."

I guess that is true. I now understand that among thousands of ways to feel happy is to be grateful with what you have right now. Be grateful.

There is always a rainbow after the rain so heads up and soar high in the sky Asfi Raihan. Aja-aja!

Till we meet again.

Salam.

Secret

The sky is falling.

Life is hard, honestly. I wish that I have someone to share this pain with me.
Nah, even if I have someone, I could never tell because what's the point? They cannot help me, there won't be any difference, am I right?

I just need someone who can hold my hand, hug me, and say that everything is going to be all right and it will get better.
But, again, reality is, I know things won't ever be the same again, ever.

Somehow it feels like happiness will never find its way to me and I will be forever lost in the pursuit of happiness, helplessly.

I guess, I have nothing to wear but fake smile, from now on.

Salam.

Of Boredom

Bored to the max.

Been doing a lot of thinking lately, yeah after finishing all papers, I have lots of free time, like LOTS, so I decided to enroll myself in new subject called "Why My Life Is So Boring and How to Deal With It". Yeah, lots of session of thinking about unnecessary things were conducted during class.

They do not provide any classroom for this subject, so mostly were done on bed and occasionally on the stairs in my mahallah. It's fun, you know getting some fresh air amidst all the untangled knots that I've been trying to get rid of throughout the whole semester in my head. But, looking that I'm the only student, I don't have to be worried about space, I can sit wherever I want so yeah.

The course outline is pretty much simple. The topic would be gossiping, watching movies and Korean dramas, eating junk foods, very proactive and informative. Why proactive? You know in gossiping, I'm free to choose to speak to whoever I want and we will start talking about everything. I have to get up from my bed and find nearest people and start a useless conversation, can be considered as exercise too, win-win situation there (I have to walk kan so malas exercise checked).

Why informative? Hey people, don't you know movie can be very informative and fun at the same time, unless you pick the wrong movie la. I had once ter-watched very boringggg movie, I could die from boredom yeah really. I don't think I should mention the title here, might get a lawsuit from the producer, director or anyone else that matter. But, if you happen to find a good one, it might change your life so pick carefully.

That is how I deal with my boring life, not very efficient tho but who cares! Okay, it's time already, I have to get back to sleep class because I'm cool liddat. Best student ni.

Salam.

A Trip That Wasn't a Trip

Bello!
Long time no writes, le hand become stiff haha
Anyway just wanna share about a trip with my brother and his friends. Trip with boys, what to expect *sigh*

They came and picked me up in UIA and apparently, when I entered the car I can already sensed that they haven't sleep that night, playing DOTA of course, everyone look so tired and sleepy.
Somehow we start the journey and like always, they start playing with their phone as soon as we were on the road. Really can't understand this kind of behavior because me myself, can't focused on the phone in a moving car because it caused me headache and dizziness.

I think I slept for a while, don't know, couldn't really remember but, I do remember, when I woke up they already discussing about game strategies, you know things like, this hero is what power, that hero should use what weapon, upgrade this, do this do that, boooringgg.

Before that, why don't we do like a short introduction, get to know them a little bit.

The one that is sleeping is Ijat, I think he likes to watch anime, very popular with woman (according to my brother), beside him is Sabri very cheeky this one man, also verryyy popular with woman (according to EVERYONE) and the two at the back hmm couldn't really remember their name because I didn't see them as much as I see those two in the front seat so sorryyy. But, the one with the cap, my brother said that he does not have any kampung so, that's why he insist on following. The yellow shirt guy is Solihin's brother.

 Huh, couldn't be bothered to introduce this one (the one with earphone), but I need to, he might be sulking if I don't do so, my sweet, kind, charming and funny brother. Look at that, he is doing it again, the I-know-you-are-taking-my-picture-but-will-try-to-act-normal pose for the camera how nice hahaha

Apart from those "game" talks, the trip was normal, the scenery also were not that bad either.

The cloud I think look so pretty, wish that you could see it yourself, I'm amazed. I don't know whether it was because I haven't been out that much lately, but everything look amazingly stunning to me, even the grass made me went like "look at the grass, so green, so beautiful wahhh". 

The funny thing was that, we couldn't get through the radio channels and they started to get bored and my brother's thumb drive only have about 4 to 5 songs and we kept repeating it. So, I offered to copy my songs from my laptop, but of course it will be Korean songs and on top of that, they are OST so you can imagine how slow, emotional the songs would be. I did told them, but my brother said it is okay so yeah. 

But, after a few song, their face started to become distorted haha not actually distorted but I can clearly see that they started to get annoyed with the songs but the fact that they couldn't say no to Ihsan's lovely sister which is me *flips tudung*, they try to restrain from saying any curse words and I think my brother noticed that so he stop the song hahahaha. My brother start his own concert shortly after that, I don't mind actually, but I feel so sorry for them and how nice of them for being patience.

Nothing much happen after that, except for "we stop by a stall and have to eat a plate of kuey-tiau that have like armies of labah-labah's babies under the plate" story. Erk, tak nak ingat pun.

Touch down in Teluk Medan, Bagan Serai!

Salam.

Sudut Pandang

The other side.

Harini kita cerita pasal menjadi seorang peniaga. Ada satu hari tu, Allah buka peluang untuk aku jadi seorang peniaga, tak hebat mana pun, tak mewah pun, kadang dipandang remeh sesetengah orang, kerja pasar malam je buat part time.

Selalunya, aku je yang membeli kat pasar malam. Pusing-pusing cari lauk tengok kedai tu tengok kedai ni. Sebelum ni tak pernah pulak terfikir atau terasa apa-apa bila tengok pak cik makcik abang kakak adik meniaga. Tapi harini, alhamdulillah Allah buka sudut pandang baru untuk aku bila duduk di kerusi seorang peniaga.

Mungkin remehh, tak penting pun dan sebagainya but you know what peeps, sitting from this side of the world, gives me something to ponder upon. Everytime pelanggan lalu kat depan, dalam hati ni dok berdoa-doa sepanjang pelanggan lalu tu 'Singgah la' 'Singgah la'. Tapi, hari tak senantiasa cerah kan, hampa.

Oh silau!

Dulu pernah tolong mak meniaga depan rumah, mee kari dengan air kelapa, tapi dulu lain, dengan mak. Kali ni sorang takde sape nak tolong. Nak ditambah pulak kemanisan pengalaman berniaga di pasar malam, Allah turunkan hujan, lebat pulak tu sekali dengan angin. Mak cik kat belakang booth aku tu terus tutup. Aku kata 'La, tutup dah ka mak cik'. Mak cik tu kata 'Tutup la adik oi, kalau hari hujan macam ni, selalunya tak banyak pelanggan dah, tapi takpala nak buat macam mana'. Dia akhiri kalam dia dengan senyuman kalau seingat aku.

Macam macam dugaan jadi peniaga pasar malam ni, detik hati kecil aku, kadang-kadang tak habis makanan di jual, berpanas, berhujan, beribut dan sebagainya tapi tetap datang setiap hari nak buka kedai cari duit selagi ada kudrat. Ada sepasang suami isteri kat depan aku buka kedai goreng goreng, tua dah, sangat tua. Tapi sweet je tengok merpati dua sejoli tu buat kerja sama-sama, barang kali tak mahu menyusahkan anak-anak sebab tu usaha sendiri. Insaf.

Sehari je kerja, tapi ibrah yang aku dapat masyaallah, harap orang lain mampu dapat peluang yang sama macam aku, mungkin boleh jadi lembut sikit hati tu supaya tak mengungkit-ungkit, complain, tak bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Susah sikit tu tak apalah, jangan dok whiny sangat, Allah nak uji pasal dia sayang okay? :)

Anyway, it was a good experience. It opens my eyes, my heart and teach me to be grateful in life.

May Allah help and guide us to the right path.

Salam.

Adults

Screw you.

I'm having the hardest time of my life yet I'm not allowed to feel anything because people who have emotions are weak according to them adults.
It's pointless to argue with adult actually because they have these you know these power they called "experience", age and also something related to makan garam and whatever ugh that they will use, ALWAYS when we try to rebuke them or anything.
It sucks.

Complaints

What is happening?

I guess there must be a solid reason why this happened to me. Maybe, He wants me to be grateful for all the things that I had before, and wait patiently for the unexpected rewards in the future. But, I'm still a kid. I have complaints. I have needs. I have dreams. There is nothing wrong if I want to be sad upon not getting what I want. I am a normal human being. Would it be illegal for having emotions? I just need to learn to control it perhaps.

Someone once said to me "If you managed to control your emotions during difficult times, you can achieved many things in life". I think he is not saying that you should have no emotion at all, because that would be inhumane. It is just if you can control your emotions, people will called you professional. That's it. I learn something today for sure.